How to Grow Up

Isaac asked;

"Shredstin, how do I grow up and quit being so immature all the time. Also I smell bad and I am not very good at love making. PLEASE HELP!!!!!"

Okay!! I may be paraphrasing a little bit.

Well Isaac lucky for you I grew up a long time ago. Not only have I been able to grow a beard since I was 4  (seen below)......

....but I also learned how to wipe my own butt instead of yelling for my mom to do it....you could learn a thing or two from me.

In fact, isn't the point of this blog so that you can learn from me? Yes, yes it it. So pop a few ritalins and lets get started.

One of my major growing up moments is when my dad took me behind a trailer and spelled the word ASSUME on the back of it. I don't remember the details because I was like 2 1/2 but whoever UME is, I will never make an ass out of him again. That is what growing up is all about Isaac! You learn from your mistakes. I will go ahead and list some of the mistakes YOU have made and what we can all learn from them.

Barstow

Remember that one time we ended up in Barstow California on accident? Yeah, totally your fault. UME would be so embarrassed for you.  Sometimes in the processes of growing up people give you really crappy directions and then fall asleep. If you find yourself off course just remember that it was probably due to lack of good directions. P.S. Both of our trips to California sucked.

Chest rape

Remember the first time you wrestled me and I chest raped you?? This picture looks super awkward since I edited you out of it. I just didn't want you to be humiliated. I dominated you the first time and I have dominated you every time since then.  The point is being grown up means you pick your battles wisely.  I will now chest rape you every time I see you. Its your own fault you childish fool!

For those of you who don't know what chest rape is, I tackle Isaac to the ground and slam him with my chest until he gives up.  It is much less awkward then it sounds....and its not gay.

3 Man Towers

Remember when we did a three man tower in the park. I was on the bottom and Eric was on the top and YOU said it was the best idea ever!! Well Isaac, it wasn't!  Eric broke his back and had to wear a jet pack for 6 months.  If you would have planned a little bit better you would have realized that we needed a way to get Eric down instead of me just throwing him down when I got tired.  Planning is everything when it comes to being grown up.

Well I hope this helps Isaac.  One day you will tell your children that Shredstin made you the man you are today and then you will weep.  Of course after you cry I will show up to punch you in the face because grown men don't cry.